Lifestyle - Say No More, And Help Raise Awareness Of Sexual Abuse December 02 2018, 0 Comments
Firstly thank you for being here xx, it means more than you know x
Today I want to share a part of my story with you, a story that is a big part of me, and the reason why I have always wanted to set up a charity to give back hope, grace, and dignity to others who have been here.
This is the first time I have shared my story publicly, and ive rewritten it several times already, as it's not easy for me to talk about, and wondering am I sharing too much, or am I not sharing enough, but it's a story I feel needs to be shared, as I am no longer ashamed of my past, it's made me the woman I am today.
So please bear with me, what might seem rambling, I promise there is a meaning to this, and a worthwhile cause, a cause that is so dear to my heart and soul, and one I hope you will join me on preventing, and raising awareness of.
For as long as I can remember, I have felt worthless, not beautiful enough, not good enough, just not enough in general, just so never enough, and god did it hurt, still does somedays.
I hated me and my inner self for such a long long time, and sometimes it is still so raw, and I still find it hard to love myself, and I am the first one to always, put me and my abilities down and be a negative nelly.
But I am a learning curve in process, and im learning to let my inner light shine brighter daily.
I come from a broken family, and I witnessed things children should not have to see, I watched my mum being beat, severely several times a week, I watched her being broken down to a shell of herself and all of this before I was 5, it still hurts me to think of what she went through, and it was not just my mum, who hurt, I got hurt too, with actions and words, which for a 5 year old with nothing but love in her heart was devastating, and I swore id never let a person treat me like that, boy how wrong was I.
My story with this person, is a long and complicated one, I still love this person with all my heart and soul, but for my own sanity, peace of mind and to stop my heart constantly shattering, I had to let go of my need for this person to love me, because I know this person never will.
To get away from the violence, shouting and general not niceness if that is a word at home, I started to spend time with a family friend who shall remain nameless !!
For several years from aged 5 to 8 this man abused me in the most horrific of ways and some of which I shall never tell, because of this abuse I was severely beaten to within an inch of my life, tied up to a tree and beaten with an iron bar all because the local kids had heard what had happened to me, this knowledge lives inside my head every single day, could I have stopped it, was I naughty, did I deserve to be treated this way?
I was classed as a liar and scum, so I began to think this way, We had to move homes and I had to go to a completely new school, because I was getting constant death threats, via letter, eggs thrown at the house, they even set fire to our hallway while we were in bed.
So a new school and home was chosen for me, in an area where I knew no one, was to be my new reality, all Because of my abuse, I hated the idea but I didn't have a choice !!
After this, my relationship with my mum and stepdad, and other people in my life, became strained, I distanced myself from everyone, I started to take myself to another place, I called it my bubble, I would sit in my room and drawn or make things, or I would go to my dance group, music and dancing has always soothed my soul.
A place where the bullies, family and friends wouldn't hurt me, or see the real me or the way I was feeling, but the bullying, self loathing and not eating for weeks at a time would continue until I finally left school at 15 to move to somerset for what I hoped would be a fresh start, and it was for a while.
I was happy, well as happy as I allowed myself to be, but I then got into a relationship that turned extremely violent, and manipulative, and even continued once my daughter was born when I was just 18, I finally plucked up the courage to leave aged 21 because I knew if I didn't he would eventually kill me.
But the story of sexual, physical and domestic abuse for me does not stop there, for it haunts me even now, for not only have I been a victim as both a child ( sexual ) and an adult ( sexual and domestic ) and now a survivor !!
But this curse, for that's what it, is a lifetimes curse, has even touched both my eldest son who's story is his own, but also another precious member of my family, which I am currently not allowed to disclose, due to ongoing stuff, one day they may choose to tell their own stories.
And this is why, after almost a lifetime of my soul knocking, I have set up the charity I have always wanted to, I want to be able to create packages that are full of beautiful things that give back hope, grace, and dignity to survivors of sexual and domestic abuse, we are not a registered charity as yet, but this is next on my list, to get us registered.
You can find out more here >>> www.thehopeandgracefoundation
Did you know ?
One in five children are sexually abused, before they are aged 18 !! that is one in five that is just to many!!
Its time to start changing this and to start defending the innocence of children ( and adults ) everywhere and you can help today ! by choosing to support us here at the hope and grace foundation in whatever way you can..
I have never asked you, my family or friends to support me or my charity, or asked for sales, but today I am.
I am asking for your support, and there are many ways you can do that, you can buy a gift from Lily Grace here >>> www.designedbylilygrace.com
Every product on the Lily Grace website donates back a percentage of sales to the hope and grace foundation, and Young minds, a charity set up to help youngsters with mental health.
Or you can you can do your shopping online, on the easy fundraising page which has 100's of shops to choose from, and choose the hope and grace foundation for your donations to go to.
It doesn't cost you anything to sign up, or to register with the easy fundraising page, but every penny raised will make a huge difference to the hope and grace foundation.
You can find out more about how to sign up, and register here on the easy fundraising website >>> www.easyfundraising.org.uk
Once your signed up and registered all you need to do, is choose The Hope And Grace Foundation as your chosen charity, and then go shopping, I now do all my shopping from Amazon, Boots, W H Smith and more via this page, so my own shopping helps to raise donations too, any donations made will go straight to their website, ready for us to recieve it over at the hope and grace foundation.
I want to thank you so much if you've got this far, and for taking the time to read a little of my personal story, I can tell you it was so hard to write, and several times had to stop due to the pure emotion and the lump in my throat, just saying these things out loud even now brings out that lost little girl in me.
But I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and why I felt, it was time to share this important post, and why stopping sexual abuse and the hope and grace foundation, is so important to me, not just for now, but for ever.
Because every child deserves innocence and love and every adult deserves love and respect.
Hugs & Wishes